I have a long list of reasons for wanting to lose weight. Some of them are about vanity while others are for health and still others are simply about my quality of life. But my main reason for wanting to lose weight is that I know I can’t go on like this. I don’t mean that I can’t go on being fat (although truthfully I don’t want to go on like that). What I mean is that I have been steadily gaining weight for the last 5 years. Occasionally my weight remained stagnant but for the most part I kept gaining a pound here and a pound there until it finally occurred to me that I have put on 110 pounds since the beginning of 2005. Obviously that kind of weight gain is unhealthy. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I had just reached a certain weight (say, 230 pounds) and stayed there. Would I feel as much of an impetus to lose weight? I’ll never know because my weight never stayed the same. All I do know is that if I keep on doing what I’m doing and gaining a pound here and a pound there is that it wouldn’t be long before TLC was at my door wanting to do a tv special all about me and my fat ass.

I often wonder how I let it get this far. I also wonder why, when I saw that I had gained two or three pounds I expected that my weight would simply go back down instead of the pounds staying on. I am finally accepting that I have the kind of body that has to work hard to stay at a healthy weight. For whatever reason I don’t have the kind of body that stays within the same general weight range. I keep looking ahead to the time that I finally lose the weight and actually stay at that weight for the rest of my life rather than letting the pounds slowly creep back on.

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