Weight – 275.8

Okay, that’s technically less than what I weighed last week. I feel really bad because I haven’t been exercising. Why? Well it’s not enough that there has been a crazy heatwave in this area but add on my asthma and extremely bad allergies and it just doesn’t seem like a good idea to ride my bike in 100 degree weather. I will definitely figure out some way to exercise but luckily I will only be here for a few more weeks and then I will go back to having access to an indoor gym and pool.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve lost sight of my goals and why I want to lose weight so here are some reasons that I want to lose weight presented, as always, in a handy list form.

1. My thighs chafe. All the time. Not just when I’m wearing skirts or pantyhose. I can’t count the number of times that I have had to walk slowly because the material of my jeans is somehow chafing my thighs and I end up feeling like my thighs are on fire. It even happens when I wear comfortable stretchy outfits like yoga pants. I hate the feeling and I want it to go away. Maybe I’ll buy a thighmaster.

2. Shopping. My days of shopping at H&M no longer exist because I can’t fit into their clothes. At this point the only store I can shop at is Old Navy and even then I can’t fit into their pants and instead have to rely on their dresses in size XXL. I do not like this. I want to be able to go shopping with friends and not be limited to the accessories section while they try on all the cute dresses. In addition to that, I want to quit shopping at Old Navy and buy high quality clothing that will last me a long time. We live in a throwaway culture and that includes buying crappy clothes that fall apart in 8 months and are then tossed out. I don’t want to be a part of that anymore.

3. Pictures! I wrote about this earlier but I am sick of doing the fat girl poses and trying my best to stay behind the camera instead of in front of it. I am sick of trying to avoid being caught on camera.

4. Depression. I have had episodes of depression on and off since I was 12. I know that I feel better when I eat a healthy diet and exercise so this is another reason for me to keep moving forward with my plans.

5. Stairs! I have actually developed techniques for walking up a flight of stairs which include not talking to my friends so that they won’t hear how out of breath I am. The fact that I have to do that makes me sad.

6. Confidence. A lot of people say that becoming thin won’t magically make your life perfect and it definitely won’t make you happy. But as someone who has lost weight in the past I can safely say that it gave me a huge boost of confidence and yes, that made me happy. Losing weight doesn’t get rid of all of life’s problems but my weight has become such a huge issue in my life that I know losing it will be a positive change.

7. I want to feel strong. In addition to not getting winded I also want to push my body as far as it will go. The human body can do some really amazing stuff and I want to see what mine can do too.

8. Better opportunities. I know that there is a whole fat acceptance movement to get other people to accept fat people as they are and that’s great but I’m also a realist. I know that fat people don’t get treated as well, don’t get hired as much and are always having to fight off assumptions about them (i.e. the fat slob stereotype). I debated adding this because I am sure that some people will see it as giving in to society’s pressures but honestly, I feel that it’s just an issue of people seeing me for who I am and not only seeing “the fat girl”.

9. Tiredness. I am always tired. I take afternoon naps like a 3 year old. Once again, I know that a healthy diet and exercise can have a positive affect on this aspect of my life. A healthy diet will give me enough energy to get through the day while exercising will help me to sleep better at night instead of my current habit of waking up at least 3 times between bed time and waking.

10. Back pain. I never thought that I would be fat enough to actually feel physical pain from it but for the past few months I’ve been noticing increasing amounts of pain in my lower back. It feels like my muscles have been pulled and generally results in me holding my hand against my back and leaning back like a pregnant lady. I’m too young to have this kind of pain.

11. Health. I had to add this. Of course. It would be outrageous for a fat person to admit that they want to lose weight solely for vanity. And while vanity is probably 95% of my reason for wanting to lose, I will admit that health is an issue. I don’t have any health issues yet. But both of my parents have high blood pressure and high cholesterol and three out of my four grandparents have type 2 diabetes. So let’s just say that the numbers aren’t in my favor and the more I can do to prevent those types of complications the better.