Ack, another really late post. My apologies! Anyway…

Weight – 276

Yeahhhh. Not good at all. My exercise plans have mostly been thwarted by the extreme heat and the fact that I’m not willing to risk passing out or having an asthma attack while I ride my bike.

A few days ago I was talking to my dad on the phone. He’s currently in India taking care of his parents. And after hearing my dad talk about the issues that he’s having with his mother I realized that I am terrified of becoming like her.

Let me explain. My grandmother is someone who loves food but it goes further than that. Just as I’ve often noticed with myself, she tends to obsess about what to eat, what food is available and how soon she can eat again. She now has type 2 diabetes and has had two knee replacements that are worn out, making it extremely painful for her to walk.

I listened to my dad as he told me the issues he was having with her, that she wants to eat everything available and doesn’t care if it will make her blood sugar spike. He told me that she ate so much she got sick. I’m embarrassed to admit that I have done the same in the past.

I feel like some of my grandmother’s traits have been passed on to me like when she doesn’t want to share food or her first question in the morning is “What’s for dinner?”

One of the worst traits that both my dad and I have (although I’m convinced I’m not quite as bad) is that we end up wanting food just because we see it. It doesn’t matter if I’m hungry or not, I can almost guarantee that if you put something delicious in front of me I will want to eat it. And even if I don’t eat it I’ll probably obsess over it.

I spend a lot of time wishing that I wasn’t like that. I don’t know why I’m obsessed with food, I just am. I’m still looking into finding a psychologist so that I can start to get to the root of why I am like this. In the meantime I’ll be thinking of my grandmother as a cautionary tale. I do not want to be someone who ends up crying in pain just from walking a few feet. I also don’t want food to be the main focus in my life. Food can be great but I would rather focus on my family, friends and relationships.

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