I recently picked up a book after watching the author’s interview on Oprah. I know, I know. But really, this book resonated with me. Something that I really appreciated about the author is that she insists you have to love yourself to start eating healthy and lose weight. I know it’s something that we hear all the time but this is the first time that I’ve ever believed the person who was saying it. Anyway, at some point in the book the reader is asked to stop and think about the negative things she says to herself. I’ve always insisted that I love myself. That I just want to lose weight for realistic benefits (ie. my thighs will stop chafing and I won’t lose my breath walking up a flight of stairs) and that I already love myself so I don’t need to work on that, no sir, not me. But once I actually took time to think about the things I often say to myself I was shocked. So here are a few of them.
“I am such a cliché; a fat girl eating a cheeseburger.”
“Ugh, how typical, I’m hungry.”
“I look pregnant.”
“Look at this fat hanging over my jeans. Ugh, it’s disgusting.”
(When eating at a fast food restaurant) “I am like a human warning sign not to eat here. Don’t eat here or you will end up looking like me!”
“I look like a typical fat slob.”
Once I stopped and took a breath I couldn’t get over how awful I am to myself. I can’t believe I’ve guilted myself for actually feeling hungry even when it’s real hunger and not I’m-upset-so-I’m-going-to-eat hunger. It’s like they say, you wouldn’t let anyone else talk to you this way so why do it to yourself? What was really frightening was realizing just how easily these thoughts slipped into my day to day life. I’m starting to work hard on being more self aware and not just letting myself fall into a spiral of self-hatred. It will be difficult and it will require me to slow down but sometimes I think that what I need most is to just stop and breathe.
*I wish I could take credit for the title of this post but it’s actually a shout out to one of my favourite books ever by Betsy Lerner (this is not the book I’m referring to in the post).