Weight – 272.5

I’ve come to realize that one of the most obvious signs that I’m eating emotionally is when I can’t decide what to eat. It’s one thing if I’m overcome by the desire to say, have an Oreo ice cream sandwich. At least when that happens I know that it’s a real craving and it’s something I really want to eat. But all too often I’ve found myself wandering up and down the aisles of the corner store wondering what I should buy. It’s a really strange feeling when it happens.

I can only imagine that maybe this is what it’s like when an alcoholic goes to the liquor store. They know they shouldn’t be there, they know that they don’t actually want it but they go anyway, furiously searching for the perfect alcohol that will numb them. In my case I usually spend my time going back and forth between the ice cream, the chocolate bars and the cookies. I move slowly, trying not to make it obvious how frantic I feel inside.

I can’t describe what it’s like to feel as though I have no control over my actions, like something else is pushing me to do what I do. I’m still working on learning more about myself and generally trying to figure out what it is I’m trying to numb in the first place.

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