Yep, I’m up again. I’m not at all surprised. This week was the perfect example of me freaking out and turning to food. It started off with a friend of mine dealing with a crisis. I’ve been told that I’m the type of person who takes on other people’s pain and issues so yeah, it almost felt as though I was dealing with her pain firsthand. I then tried to confide in my cousin about the crisis because I needed someone to talk to. Somehow this ended up in a huge argument and now we’re not speaking.
At the beginning of this past week I was basically a mess. I was crying uncontrollably. I broke down in front of my boss (who is luckily the most understanding boss in the world) and one of my profs (who is also understanding). I even threw up a few times because of my nerves. So yeah, I wasn’t exactly in the best headspace. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fight. I couldn’t stop thinking about my friend. I was getting that old depressive feeling back, the one that makes me feel like I just want to hide under the covers all day and eat Easy Mac (not any macaroni and cheese, it has to be Easy Mac).
On Wednesday I was still feeling depressed. My Death, Dying and Bereavement class which is normally interesting and kind of fun was actually making me feel depressed. I was lucky enough to talk to my boss and warn her about my history of depression. However, I noticed that all day on Wednesday, I spent my time thinking about mozzarella sticks. Seriously. As my DD and B prof went over slides about caregiver stress, I sat there thinking about mozzarella sticks and other deep fried foods that were just steps away at the grocery store.
And even though I was starting to feel better by the end of the day, I still went over to the grocery store and bough a ton of junk food. In fact, it came out to about $16 that I definitely could have used for something better. I didn’t just get mozzarella sticks. I also got Easy Mac, chocolate milk and a package of Jos. Luis snack cakes, those weird light and fluffy cakes that require 4 servings to get you feeling satisfied.
And what’s worse is that later in the week I went back and bought even more snack cakes! So yes, this hasn’t exactly been the best week for eating. Luckily though, school is starting to ease up. For the next two weeks of class (the last of the semester) I hardly have any work due at all. Exams shouldn’t be too bad and I’m already figuring out ways to work in exercise during the exam schedule as well. So things are looking up!