I’ve been a bad blogger. I weighed myself last Sunday and kept telling myself to write up a blog post. I put it off and put it off. After all, last Monday was the first day of final exams so I was a bit preoccupied. On the plus side, I went to the gym that day! On the downside, I haven’t gone today. In fact I haven’t been moving around much since Wednesday, which was the last day that I made it to the gym. And now I’m writing a blog post but I completely forgot to weigh myself this morning.

But that’s not what I came here to write about. I came here to write about my chocolate addiction. I know, it sounds funny. It’s one of those things that is so stereotypically female but I, unfortunately, go beyond the stereotype. In fact I’ve never actually understood the idea of a woman who downs a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or an entire box of chocolates when she’s upset but otherwise can keep her temptations to a minimum. I mean really, who are these magical people who only eat chocolate under extreme emotional duress or as a very occasional treat?

My problem is that chocolate is a part of my everyday life. Sometimes I think I should take note of how many times a day I eat chocolate. At the very least, it hit me this week how much chocolate I was keeping in my apartment. And since I love to share everything, here’s a list of what I found:

-half a bag of mini Snickers
-one package of Double Stuf Oreos
-one container of Ferrero Rocher chocolates
-two Toblerone bars: one dark and one milk chocolate

That’s quite a bit of chocolate. And the worst part is that as I slowly finished off the Oreos and the milk chocolate Toblerone bar, I didn’t leave it at that. Instead I went out and bought more chocolate. So I now have the President’s Choice British chocolate biscuit collection as well as the ingredients to make some chocolate chip peppermint cookies.

This isn’t the first time it’s occurred to me that the thought of not having chocolate in my apartment actually makes me nervous. I guess that’s where the addiction part comes in. It makes me feel pathetic and a bit scared. I hate the idea of feeling so dependent on something. And the weirdest part is that in the past week I have even been feeling a bit bored with chocolate and yet for some reason, I keep buying it.

I’ve decided that I will cut back on my chocolate consumption after exams. I considered doing it earlier but cutting out chocolate during the exam period seemed a little bit extreme and I don’t need to make myself even more crazy. At least during the holidays I will be a lot more relaxed. I can look into other types of treats and hopefully eventually cut way down on all types of sweets.

As much as I hate to admit it, this whole weight loss thing will take a lot more work than what I’ve been putting into it (obviously). I’m finally realizing that I’ve been afraid to accept the difficult aspects of weight loss as well as the positive aspects. Yes, I may get cravings from time to time. But constantly buying chocolate isn’t going to help me. I will keep some dark chocolate around and heck, maybe even some high quality chocolate. But I will portion it out. If it disappears then I only have myself to blame. Until then, I’m not going to force myself to eat any chocolate unless I really, really want it. After all, there’s not much pleasure to be had in eating something that you don’t really want.