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Have you ever had an experience that  left you hurt and confused and yet over time helped you to learn a lot about yourself and relationships? I’ve had several of those experiences. They make me want to stand on a street corner and preach about what I’ve learned in the hopes that others can avoid making the same mistakes I did. Of course I know that most people learn from personal experience as well but still, I can’t help but put this bit of information out there. So here’s some advice you didn’t ask for.

Actions speak louder than words. This is a simple lesson that can be hard to learn, usually because we want to believe the best in people. But trust me when I say that in pretty much every relationship, actions speak louder than words. I learned this in my last relationship when I dated a guy who told me that he was crazy about me, that he thought about me all the time and that he was happiest when he was with me and yet he could never make any time for me. At first I wanted to believe what he said. He could often be kind and caring when we actually spent time together but it was overshadowed by the fact that he seemed to forget about my existence when we weren’t together. I tried desperately to reconcile my expectations with reality but the truth is that I was with a guy who told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and yet apparently didn’t think about me enough to pick up his phone and call me.

Over time his actions spoke loud and clear. He never called me and he rarely returned my phone calls. In fact it took ages for me to get him to see me in person just so that I could break up with him. Yes, that’s right, I had to break up with him even though he was the one who had clearly lost interest.

So ladies, learn from my mistakes. If you are with a guy (or girl) who says that he (she) can’t get enough of you and yet never actually makes time for you, end it! Tell that person exactly what’s up and let him or her know that you want to be with someone who actually enjoys spending time with you and doesn’t just say it.

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