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A while back I realized that I was letting fear hold me back when it comes to losing weight. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly but I kept thinking, “I’m afraid, I’m afraid.” Eventually I realized that my fear had to do with losing weight, both the work I’ll have to put in and the fear that it might not work.

The first time I decided I needed to lose weight I weighed exactly 193 pounds. It was easy to lose because my doctor gave me diet pills, including one that has since been banned by the FDA. This time I’m on my own. In a way I’m glad because I know that I can’t live the rest of my life on diet pills. But still I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to eat anything I want ever again. I’m afraid that I’ll try my hardest and still never get down to the size I want to be. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the weight and then gain it all back again.

But I know that I have to try. I can’t continue my life this way, gaining about ten pounds every year. I don’t want to die young and I don’t want to be held back by my size anymore. So I’m going to try for real. I know it won’t be easy but being obese isn’t easy either.