Let it go

Tags

2013, acceptance, alcoholism, new year, new year's resolutions, resolutions

It’s a new year and once again, it seems that everyone is making resolutions. But a few days ago, I started what will become a lifelong resolution. It’s one that I know I will constantly struggle with but in the end, I will do my best to keep at it because I know that it is what’s best for me. I am going to let go.

What does that mean? Well, let me explain. I am going to share something that I have often tried to hide, that I have often tried to ignore, and just sweep under the rug. My father is an alcoholic. He’s not physically abusive, he isn’t a falling down drunk. In fact, he is a functional alcoholic. In a way, that is almost part of the problem. He figures that his behaviour isn’t extreme enough to warrant being called an alcoholic. Heck, he doesn’t even want to say that he has a drinking problem. Never mind that he feels he “needs” a drink. Never mind that since I have been home for the holidays, he has literally staggered off to bed by 7pm every night. He sits at the dinner table, slurring his speech and is barely able to hold his head up, but he will insist that he doesn’t have a problem.

I tried my best to ignore this behaviour but of course it was impossible. It wasn’t just the forgetfulness or his inability to form a coherent sentence. It was also the fact that my father becomes an absolutely miserable person when he drinks. There is no pleasing him. Once again, it all culminated in an argument between the two of us the day after Christmas. I wanted an apology for his behaviour. He insisted on seeing himself as the victim.

But as I stood there crying (and crying and crying) I finally had a realization. It isn’t worth it. I have tried my best to help my dad change but I finally realized that it’s not my responsibility. What I do or don’t do has no impact on his behaviour. So I need to stop pointing out when he has forgotten the conversation we had the day before. Or when he slurs his words. Or when he simply can’t understand a concept because he has destroyed his mental functioning with years of hard drinking. I finally accepted that what I have been doing is akin to banging my head against a brick wall and expecting a change.

I know that this new path won’t be easy. After all, I have an almost hyper-sensitive awareness of other people’s behaviours and actions. But I know now that I need to do this for my own sake, my own health and my own sanity. And I am determined to finally stop fighting and do what’s best for me.

Top 5 Movies to Watch at Halloween

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Donnie Darko, halloween, Hocus Pocus, It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, Sleepy Hollow, The Nightmare Before Christmas

It’s been a while and pretty soon I’ll explain why my posts have been few and far between. But in the meantime, it’s October! And that means it’s time to start thinking about Halloween. Or in my case, just think about it more because I’ve actually been thinking about it since July. I’ve decided to make a list of my favourite movies to watch at Halloween. Here we go!

5. Sleepy Hollow

This is a great take on a classic. It’s got Tim Burton’s typical dark and fantastical ambiance and it even has some scenes that are rather comical. Johnny Depp is perfect as Ichabod Crane, the officer who is sent to uncover the cause of a slew of creepy murders by decapitation.

4. Donnie Darko

This isn’t a Halloween movie per se but it takes place in October and there is a scene with a Halloween party so I’m including it. More importantly, this is one of the strangest and affecting movies I have ever seen and it’s one of my favourite movies of all time. The end of the film will probably leave you confused and a bit melancholy but in a good way. Even if you don’t enjoy the film you should at least appreciate that it has one of the most beautifully haunting scores ever.

3. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Yet another Tim Burton movie! This one tells the story of Jack Skellington, the “pumpkin king” of Halloween Town. Unfortunately, Jack isn’t fulfilled by his role as the town celebrity and once he discovers Christmas Land he decides that he’ll take over the role of Santa Claus instead. Hijinks ensue.

2. Hocus Pocus

This is a movie that seemed totally obscure back when I was a kid. I swear it felt like I was the only person who had ever heard of it. Now years later it seems to have a cult following. This movie tells the hilarious story about a teenage virgin who brings three witches back from the dead. It’s a race against time to defeat the witches before they suck the souls out of all the children in Salem!

1. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

Okay, so this isn’t a movie so much as it was a tv special but how could Halloween be complete without it? Between Linus’s devotion to the Great Pumpkin and Charlie Brown’s failed attempt at a ghost costume it’s a total classic.

Real Diversity

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diversity, donald glover, girls, lena dunham, race, racism

Anyone who has read this blog knows that I’m a fan of the HBO show Girls. Girls isn’t without its problems though. Early on it was criticized for not showing a single person of colour, ever, which is strange considering it takes place in a city as diverse as Brooklyn. Apparently the show’s creator, Lena Dunham, is trying to remedy this by featuring African American actor Donald Glover as a recurring character next season.

Now some may say that this is a sign of progress but I’ve always wondered, why is it that television shows usually only look to black people as a way to show diversity?

When I think about diversity in my own life I think about my last job and my co-workers, which included people that were of French, Polish, Eritrean, Ukrainian, Iranian, Egyptian, Indian, Filipino and Jamaican descent. I think about my old neighbourhood and my friends whose parents came from Serbia, Scotland, Iraq and Korea. And of course there is my own family’s background, as I am half British and half Indian. What’s funny is that even this list is just a small sample of the kind of people that I encounter day after day.

We have a long way to go before television depicts the real diversity that most of us see day to day. After all, diversity is not about depicting just two races on television. There is a whole wide world of people to choose from. The sooner television and movie execs decide to showcase the world we actually live in, the better.

Top 5 Back-To-School Movies

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autumn, back to school, dead poets society, fall, legally blonde, mona lisa smile, rushmore, school, strike

I can’t believe it but it’s almost time for kiddies and young people to go back to school. Of course I’ve been out of school for over a year but it’s hard to escape the back-to-school mentality that takes over our culture every August. Personally I love it! As much as I love summer vacation, I always got a bit pumped up to get back into the classroom. Each year at the end of summer vacation I found myself watching certain movies to get me in the mood for months of studying and essay writing. Here are my favourites:

1. Rushmore

This is the story of a student named Max Fisher who attends the elite Rushmore Academy on a scholarship. Unfortunately Max spends all his time doing extracurricular activities instead of studying. After he pulls a grand stunt in the hopes of impressing a young teacher, he is kicked out and forced to go to public school all the while competing with his mentor (played by Bill Murray) for the affections of said teacher.

2. Strike! (aka All I Wanna Do)

In 1963 a young woman is forced to attend an all girls boarding school after her parents find out that she planned on having sex with her boyfriend. She quickly falls in with a group of girls who try to save their school when they find out that it will be merging with the nearby boys school due to a lack of funds.

3. Dead Poets Society

There’s not much you can say about this one. Robin Williams plays an English teacher who inspires his students to think outside the box and question everything.

4. Mona Lisa Smile

This one is a bit like Dead Poets Society. Julia Roberts plays an art professor at Wellesley College who quickly realizes that while her students are brilliant, most of them are just biding their time until they can get married. She encourages them to look for fulfillment beyond marriage and family and reach their full potential.

5. Legally  Blonde

This one is a classic. A girl who appears to be a dumb blonde decides to go to Harvard Law School in an attempt to win back her ex-boyfriend. But along the way she learns that she actually has what it takes to be a kickass law student and that she deserves way more than what her ex had to offer.

Escaping the shopping ghetto

Tags

clothes, shopping, shopping ghetto, size

I went shopping in the U.S. recently. I actually had a decent experience once I found a Macy’s but while I was browsing the one tiny plus size section of another store it hit me:     I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in the shopping ghetto. The shopping ghetto is what plus size women are relegated to, that tiny area of a department store, if it even exists, or that one small specialty boutique where we can actually find clothes in our size. And here’s the thing about being in the shopping ghetto: plus size women often aren’t wearing clothes because we like them, we’re wearing them because they fit.

 

This is something that women who fit into “straight” sizes often can’t understand. The reason so many plus size women aren’t able to properly cultivate a sense of style is because when it comes to clothing, we have to take what we can get. Putting on an outfit that doesn’t quite fit properly or just doesn’t work is far different that not being able to fit into a single item of clothing in an entire store.

I’m not trying to make this into a whiny, woe is me post. I know that plus size women have a lot more style choices today than ever before. But here in Canada the pickings are still quite slim. I could order clothes online but I usually avoid that because a) I like to try clothing on first and b) anything I order may come with $25-$50 worth of duty fees in addition to shipping fees. By the time I add it all up I sometimes pay over $100 for something that was only supposed to cost $40.

So that’s why I’m trying to change. As I’ve written before, I know that aesthetics aren’t the most important reason to lose weight. I should probably be more concerned about my joints or the type 2 diabetes and heart disease that runs in my family. But in the meantime, how I look is my major motivator. I want to feel good about my looks and I want to be able to walk into a store and know that I can try on whatever I want, not just whatever fits.

Fall Frenzy

Tags

autumn, bath and body works, fall, halloween, october, thanksgiving

I have a confession to make: even though it’s July and I love summer especially because it’s so short lived I can’t stop thinking about autumn. I blame this on Pinterest. Suddenly I started seeing fall themed pins showing up on my page. It wasn’t much at first. A Halloween door decor pin here, a Thanksgiving centrepiece there. But soon I found myself searching “fall” and “Halloween” on Pinterest. Then while browsing Breakfast at Toast I discovered that Williams Sonoma already has their fall line available. Before I knew it I was searching for my other favourite sign of fall: the home scent line from Bath & Body Works. Last year I went completely bonkers over their Fall/Halloween line. I bought FOUR candle holders, which included a Halloween scene, Frankenstein, pumpkin and skeleton, and a multitude of scented candles with names like “Creamy Pumpkin” and “Spiced Apple Cider”.

And since Canadian Thanksgiving falls on the second Monday of October, I’m also pondering what to put on the menu this year. I’ve been trying to think up the perfect vegetable side dish (brussels sprouts? glazed green beans?) and am considering making both a pecan tart and a chocolate pumpkin cake for dessert.

I’m not sure what has brought this on. After all, I know that I have an idealized image of fall (sweaters, fall colours, beautiful weather that only requires a cardigan or light jacket) that very rarely comes to fruition. Maybe it’s because I’m an October baby. But for whatever reason, and despite my attempts to live in the present, I can’t stop dreaming about fall.

Keeping your cool in a heat wave

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bath, cool, heat, heat wave

Toronto is in the midst of yet another heat wave. The temperature is breaking records. It’s the kind of heat that causes a spike in violent crime. But I have a secret weapon that always helps me survive heat waves: cold baths. I know what you’re probably thinking why bother with a bath when I can have a cold shower? But trust me, cold baths are better. I get the water as cold as I can take it and then slip in and let the water envelop me. It is so effective that I even get goosebumps. I was a skeptic at first but I guarantee that a cold shower is the best relief from the heat. Just toss in a few Lush bath products and enjoy!

Happy Pride 2012!

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pride, toronto pride, toronto pride 2012

This is one of those weekends that makes me thankful to live in Toronto. It’s Pride weekend and the festivities are well under way. Church street is closed off. There are people everywhere, music blasting out of every store front and a general sense of giddiness and camaraderie. I love Pride. Even though it seems like a big party it’s important to remember that it wasn’t very long ago when Pride was an underground movement that began as a response to the brutal bathhouse raids that took place in the Church and Wellesley area. We still have to work hard to challenge old fashioned notions of sexuality and identity and that’s why Pride is so important.

My city, my love

Tags

city, my love, toronto

 

A friend of mine visited recently and I did my best to show her the best of Toronto but sadly I only scratched the surface. While compiling a list of places to take my friend I realized that there are so many things I love about this city.

I love living in a city with a huge public library system. I love living in a city where driving is more often a hindrance than a necessity. I love that Toronto has so many patios so that we can eat and drink while enjoying the fresh air and people watching. I love that I can go to Fran’s at 3am and have the big breakfast after a night of clubbing. I love that I can walk to the Riverdale Farm and suddenly feel like I am no longer in a big city. The same goes for heading to the beach and sitting on the sand while watching the waves. I love that the city is a cultural hub that offers numerous museums, art galleries, dance companies and so on. I love that there is a neverending cycle of festivals, especially in the summer, including but not limited to NXNE, Luminato, Fringe Festival, Pride, Caribana, Taste of Little Italy and the Canadian National Exhibition. I love that I have my pick of farmer’s markets where I can buy fresh local produce. I love that so often the city pulls together to do what’s best. Toronto may not be perfect but it’s my city. And as I have said many times now, I love it.

Fashion what?

Tags

clothing, trends, what?

Every now and then there are fashion trends that seem to pop up everywhere and while everyone else is falling all over themselves about how cool the new trends are I find myself standing back and saying, “What?” There are a few that I have found particularly perplexing and yet I can’t seem to escape them.

1. Colour Blocking – Okay, colour blocking isn’t all bad. In fact with bright spring colours I kind of like it. But I often see it done in ways that I find unappealing, like having huge straps on shoes come in two or three different colours. Also I find that the colours people throw together are just too much for my eyes.

Kirsten Dunst wearing a colour blocked peplum outfit and looking understandably confused.

2. Peplum – While I was watching the Oscars this year it seemed like almost every other actress was wearing a peplum dress. I don’t even know how to describe this except to say that it’s like having a slim skirt and then having an extra shorter skirt on top. It kind of reminds me of a tulip. A lot of times the peplum is also in the form of having extra fabric attached to a shirt or jacket. Personally, I just don’t get the appeal of having extra fabric around one’s waist and hips. And as with many trends, it just seems like a sloppy throwback to a bygone era.

3. Drop waist – Okay, whose idea was this? I was browsing Refinery 29 one day and read an article where they beamed about how the doll dress shape had moved on from the “I swear I’m not pregnant” empire waist and was now embracing the drop waist. I still see nothing to celebrate. Let’s face it, any woman who isn’t shaped like an ironing board probably won’t look to great in a drop waist. For most of us it’s kind of like throwing on a colourful sack and hoping that no one notices the utter shapelessness of the outfit.

4. Ombre – For the past year or so it seems like every possible item of clothing has been following the ombre trend. I’d describe it simply as a fabric that starts out saturated with a certain colour and then fades to white or sometimes fades into another colour. Like this:

Now that’s not entirely bad but the other ombre trend I kept reading about was in regards to hair! As in women purposely having their hair blonde on the bottom and dark on top. In other words it kind of looked like every starlet in Hollywood just decided to let her dye job grow out for several months. Technically there’s nothing wrong with that but I just can’t see the appeal in having hair that looks like this (sorry, Drew).

By now you are probably thinking that I know nothing about fashion and am the least experimental person out there. That may be true. However, I will always believe that it is best to cultivate a strong sense of style rather than pouring your next pay check into a passing trend. Fashion is really all about choices and deciding what’s right for you. And these trends are definitely not right for me!